A Smutty, Cynical, Quarter-life Crisis Fairy-tale
by propertyofjanerizzoli
Summary: After a disappointing ten-year high school reunion, an undersexed, romantically inexperienced Jane meets an underemployed bar waitress named Maura.
1. No Such Thing

**A/N: Every time I listen to John Mayer's "Room For Squares," I can't help but imagine twenty-something Rizzles, so here's a little fic inspired by those songs. I hope you enjoy it and, as always, feedback is greatly appreciated. :)**

* * *

><p><strong>"'<em>Welcome to the real world,' she said to me, condescendingly. Take a seat. Take your life. Plot it out in black and white."<em>**

By age twenty-eight, Jane Rizzoli had achieved her goal of becoming a police officer and, although her income was nowhere near six figures, she considered herself financially stable. The three-bedroom apartment she shared with her brothers wasn't the ideal living situation, but they were able to help each other out and Jane enjoyed having someone to talk to when she was lonely even if she'd never admit that to them. Her brothers were her best friends, her built-in support system. The three Rizzoli siblings were always there for each other and the night of Jane's ten-year high school reunion was no different.

As with most special occasions, Jane was without a date, but she still walked into that auditorium with her head held high. There was a banner that read, "_Welcome back, class of 2004_" hanging above the stage that, eleven years ago, Jane had watched the girl she had a crush on―whose name she could no longer recall―perform in a musical. _And then she blew me off for a basketball player. _Romantically, high school had been one disappointment after another for Jane. There was an unfortunate lack of queer girls at her school and, those she knew about either had girlfriends at other schools or weren't interested in her. She wasn't popular, but she wasn't unpopular; she was just _there_, or so she had explained it to her brothers who insisted that she attend the reunion.

"No one will even remember me," Jane told them. "I hung out with five people in high school and I still talk to three of them. There's no point in me going."

"But you're Officer Rizzoli now," her brother Frankie pointed out. "Reunions are just for bragging. Go brag about that."

"If it sucks, we'll go get wings," Tommy added.

And it took Jane all of forty-five minutes to text her brothers and tell them to meet her at the Beer and Wing Shack. Although months had passed since their last visit, everything about their favorite hangout spot remained the same, including the Wall of Fame that Jane's picture was displayed on after she took the hot wings challenge and ate a six-piece serving of their hottest wings in under ten minutes on her twenty-sixth birthday. There was sauce all over her mouth and fingers and the combination of extra-hot wings and ten shots of tequila made her sick for the rest of the night and well into the next morning, but she had done it for glory and a t-shirt with the words, "_I lost my self-respect at the Beer and Wing Shack_" that she still wore on days that she lounged around the apartment while watching '90s Nicktoons and drinking a six-pack with her brothers.

The Beer and Wing Shack patrons were twenty-somethings who were either over the club scene (or never enjoyed it to begin with) and too broke for the upscale lounges in the trendier areas of Boston. On Saturday nights, the beer and liquor were flowing, sports were on every TV set, and there was the perfect distraction for Jane in the form of good company and gooey cheese fries.

"You lasted forty-five minutes longer than I thought you would," Frankie said as Jane approached the table her brothers were sitting at.

Jane helped herself to the plate of cheese fries that her brothers had ordered. "Ten years is not enough time for me to feel nostalgic about high school." She wiped off the gooey cheese that had come off the fry and landed on her chin. "You know the type of people who go to ten-year reunions? People with six-figure incomes who want to show off how successful they are and married people with children who want to show off how disgustingly happy they are."

"You have your dream job," Tommy reminded her. "That counts for something."

Jane's eyes grew wide. "That counts for _nothing_. I am twenty-eight, unmarried, I have no children and I don't plan on having children so, in the eyes of the women I graduated with, I am defective. 'But Jane do you have a boyfriend?' 'Nope, still gay, just like I was in high school.' 'So do you have a girlfriend?'"

"Nope, your personality still repulses women just like it did in high school," Frankie teased and Jane playfully punched him in the arm.

"Really? And you're a hit with the ladies?" Jane asked, sarcastically. "Your last relationship was two years ago."

"And you've never been in one," Frankie reminded her. "Your last hookup was four years ago and you never called her back because she was a little too obsessed with the thought of you using your handcuffs on her. Let's face it, Tommy is the only one of us whose got it right."

_Has it really been four years? Four years of an empty bed and a vibrator. _It was a powerful vibrator, but still a vibrator nonetheless.

"You guys should be like me and Lydia," Tommy bragged. Twenty-four-year-old Tommy had met his girlfriend Lydia at a party two years prior and the two of them had been practically inseparable ever since. She wasn't the type of person Jane would typically hang out with, but she was good to Tommy and kept him balanced and Jane respected her for that. Ever since he met her, Tommy had begun to work harder and take on as many odd jobs as he could so he could save up for a place for the two of them. He had no desire to follow in the footsteps of his police officer siblings, nor did he want to go into the family business; he was paving a way for himself with Lydia's encouragement and Jane was proud of her brother for how much he had turned his life around since he had dropped out of high school after his sophomore year.

"That girl keeps checking me out," Frankie bragged. Jane turned to look at the girl Frankie had referred to, but she seemed more interested in her drink than in him.

"She is _not_," Jane scoffed.

"Jane, go talk to her for me," Frankie pleaded. "Aren't girls more comfortable when another girl approaches them? I don't want to make it weird."

Jane looked at him in disbelief. "And sending your sister over there isn't making it weird? What am I supposed to do? Giggle and say my brother thinks you're cute?"

Under normal circumstances, she would have remained at the table, but her brother had saved her from a night of dwelling on what she had experienced at her high school reunion, so she begrudingly left to talk to the woman that Frankie _insisted _had checked him out. She was 5'6" with strawberry blonde hair that Jane couldn't help imagine running her fingers through. Her jeans and tank top were form-fitting and Jane made a mental note to keep her eyes from wandering to her chest while talking to her. _Four years is a long time but have some self-control._

"I wasn't looking at the guy you're with," she said before Jane could even introduce herself.

"This is awkward," Jane averted her eyes. "You're gorgeous and I'm sure you're waiting for your boyfriend to show up, so I'll go back to my table and tell my brother."

"I don't have a boyfriend," she told her.

"Then I'm sorry for assuming the only reason you wouldn't be interested is because you have a boyfriend," Jane continued to look at the floor. "Maybe you have a girlfriend or maybe you're just not interested." _I am so bad at this._

"I was looking at _you_," she admitted as she tucked a strand of unruly curly hair behind Jane's ear.

"Oh," Jane looked at the half-empty glass on the table. "Can I buy you another drink? Well, can I buy you one when you're finished with that one?"

"This is a non-alcoholic beverage," she pointed out. "My shift is about to start and I can't drink on the job, especially because I've only been working here for two weeks."

Jane tried to hide her disappointment. "It was nice meeting you then. I'm Jane, by the way."

"I'm Maura," she responded. "I'll still be able to talk to you when I don't have any customers." Maura looked around at the tables that had started to fill up and realized her chances of having a conversation with Jane were slim on a Saturday night. "Do you have your phone with you?"

"Yeah."

"I'll give you my number and you can text me. It was nice meeting you, Jane."

Getting Maura's number gave Jane a boost of confidence that she so desperately needed and she strutted back to to the table until she remembered the reason why she had approached Maura to begin with.

"You are the worst wingman ever," Frankie teased her. "But what happened right there was the most action you've gotten from a woman in four years so I'm going to let that slide."

"Alright, Janie," Tommy high-fived her.

"What if she gave me a fake number?" Jane asked worriedly.

"It doesn't seem like she would," Tommy told her. "Did you ask for her number or did she just offer it to you?"

"She offered it," Jane responded.

"It wouldn't make sense to offer you a fake number when you didn't even ask for her number," Frankie reassured her.

"Yeah, that's just what girls do to get rid of people who are being creepy," Jane agreed. "Was I being creepy, though?"

"If you can't talk to her again before we leave, just text her when we get home," Frankie insisted. "Tell her it was nice to meet her and see where she takes the conversation. It's not that hard, Janie."

Their table wasn't in Maura's zone, but she'd wink at Jane or casually touch her shoulder whenever she found an excuse to walk by. The three Rizzoli siblings headed home at midnight, but Maura's shift still hadn't ended, so with a little encouragement from her brothers, she worked up the nerve to say goodbye to Maura even if it was only during the few seconds that Maura could spare.

"_It was nice meeting you tonight_," Jane texted her the moment she lied down on her bed

While half an hour into a movie she found on Netflix, Jane looked at her phone to see a text from Maura. "_If you're not tired, you can come over to my apartment and have a late dinner with me._"


	2. Why, Georgia

"_**I rent a room and I fill the spaces with wood in places to make it feel like home, but all I feel's alone. It might be a quarter life crisis or just the stirring in my soul."**_

For eight years, Maura had been on her own, working as many hours as she could to support herself while still making time to attend classes at UMASS Boston. At twenty-six, Maura was in the final year of her undergraduate education and, although most of her classmates in her upper-division classes were in their early twenties, Maura was proud of herself for getting to that point without any parental assistance.

She had a different upbringing from the other girls she experienced her K-12 education with who had siblings and sleepovers and moms that drove them to soccer practice. Maura was raised by her grandmother, a hard-headed woman who never allowed Maura to get too close to any of her peers for the sheer purpose of protecting the family. She was treated as a burden, a mistake that her father had made with some uppity college girl or so her grandmother referred to her. That's all she knew of her mother, so Maura tried to fill in the blanks on sleepless nights. She imagined her mother as intelligent and kind, and most importantly, she imagined her mother wanting her. She knew it was pointless to romanticize the personality and intentions of a woman she'd never meet, but the thought of one day feeling wanted was what kept Maura going.

Throughout her twenty-six years, she had seen her father twice: once on her first day of kindergarten when she cried because he held her and she didn't know who he was and the second time at the funeral services when her grandmother had passed away shortly before Maura's eighteenth birthday, but he had always sent a check each month to assist his mother with caring for the daughter he kept hidden on the other side of the state.

On her eighteenth birthday, she packed only the belongings that could fit in her car and left her small town in Western Massachusetts for the Greater Boston area in hopes of getting to know her father. She was an adult now; she could earn her keep and needed no supervision, yet he insisted he couldn't have her around him for her own safety. She didn't know what he did but she asked no further questions and, that night, Maura Doyle promised herself that she'd find a way to make it on her own.

She had worked ten different jobs over the course of eight years, some she worked two at a time, but she earned enough to pay the rent on her studio apartment and her other expenses. Her schedule left her little time for relationships, not that she'd invest time in them even if it were available to her. Maura didn't know how to get close to people or how to allow people to get close to her, so she opted for one-time encounters or short-term flings that never made it past the third or fourth date before her partner would realize how distant she'd remain.

Maura was uncertain whether or not her night with Jane would progress beyond the late dinner that she had suggested or if Jane had any intentions of spending the night, but when the rain had started to fall, she knew it'd be impolite not to extend an invitation for her to sleep there instead of driving home in the rain at whatever hour she decided to leave―if she decided to leave at all.

For eight years, Maura had never entertained a single guest in her apartment―always choosing to visit the men and women she hooked up with at their apartments or houses instead because, if she visited them, she remained in control. The choice to leave was hers and hers alone and she was grateful for that choice when the conversations after sex became non-existent or, even worse, when they refused to hold her or kiss her afterward. Although her encounters left her sexually satisfied, Maura began to realize the other ways in which she was left unfulfilled. She wanted to find her best friend and her perfect lover within the same person, someone who would watch her favorite movie with her in bed after letting her sit on their face just moments prior.

She wasn't sure if Jane would be that ideal combination, but Jane's shyness and the way she tried so hard not to look at her were two of the reasons why she decided to open up her apartment to her. Jane seemed warm and caring and Maura longed to hear the sound of someone else's laughter fill her tiny studio apartment.

The smell of greasy food lingered on her clothes and in her pores so Maura had intended to take a shower before Jane's arrival, but a miscommunication led to a knock on Maura's door an hour earlier than expected.

Her makeup was off and she was wearing nothing more than a short, terry cloth bathrobe and slippers, but without time to get dressed and re-apply her makeup, Maura had no choice but to open the door for Jane. "Jane," Maura attempted to smile.

"Shit," Jane lightly smacked her hand to her forehead. "I'm early, aren't I? When you texted me your address, I thought you meant to come over right away." Jane looked at her phone and read the text message telling her she'd be ready in an hour. "...and my crappy reception just enabled me to see this message right now. If you want, you can call me and I'll come back when you're ready."

Maura held Jane's cold hands in hers. "Jane, it's okay. Your hands are so cold and your hair is wet. I am not going to send you back out to your car or make you wait in the hallway. I can warm you up."

"You're letting me shower with you?" Jane asked hopefully and the sound of Maura's laughter made Jane blush. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to assume. I don't know what your intentions are or what my intentions were when I decided to come over here. Are we going to dinner at some 24-hour restaurant? Was dinner some type of code word for sex? I don't know."

"How long has it been?" Maura asked as she led Jane to the loveseat in the designated 'living room' of her studio apartment.

"Four excruciatingly long years."

"Four years?" Maura asked in disbelief. That revelation alone was enough to make her want to relieve Jane's tension.

"It's cold and wet outside," Jane said in hopes of steering the conversation away from her non-existent sex life. "We don't have to go to a restaurant. If you're hungry, I can make something for you while you take a shower or do whatever you want to do to unwind."

"But you're my guest."

"And you've been on your feet all evening, serving drinks and hot wings to a bunch of guys who probably eyed you like a piece of meat," Jane pointed out. "Now it's your turn to be served."

After showering and changing into a pair of pajama pants and a tank top, Maura returned to find Jane putting the finishing touches on their late dinner: wine and grilled cheese sandwiches. "Sorry, it's nothing fancy, but I thought the wine would make it more adult," Jane said as she handed Maura her plate.

Maura took her first bite before they even reached the trays that Jane had set up for the two of them. "It's the best grilled cheese sandwich I've ever had." And it was because Jane had taken the time to make it for her as opposed to all the sandwiches she had to make for herself from the moment she was able to reach the stove top while standing on a stool as a child. "Do you want to watch something on Netflix?" It was their go-to distraction of choice. If the conversation ever fell flat they could distract themselves with the movie or TV show they had decided to watch and there was also the possibility that it could spark a conversation between the two of them.

"How about _Goosebumps_?" Jane asked as Maura scrolled through the titles suggested to her. "My brothers and I used to watch that show all the time when we were kids."

"I used to watch it, too," Maura smiled at her.

They were half way through their bottle of wine and an episode about a haunted mask when Jane finally decided to make conversation. _Is she bored? Am I a bad hostess? _"I realized something," Jane began. "This was a lot scarier in 1995. I refused to put a mask on that Halloween because I thought it would become permanently attached to my face. The show seems so cheesy now, but I still love it for nostalgic reasons. Same with all the cartoons from back then. It seems like '90s kids just don't let go."

"It's because of the stage we're at in our lives and all of the changes we're experiencing," Maura pointed out. "Some of us are buying houses, having children, or struggling to get by and reflecting on what brought us joy as children is so comforting. For a brief moment, innocence and simplicity have returned to our lives."

"Yeah," Jane said before finishing the rest of the wine in her glass. "That and today's cartoons suck."

"That, too," Maura agreed.

* * *

><p>In her half-asleep state, Maura felt Jane's arms wrapped around her and she opened her eyes to see the sun shining through her window. Her head had rested comfortably on Jane's chest and, although she couldn't remember how it had happened, she realized she had fallen asleep on top of Jane.<p>

"Good morning," Jane whispered, sleepily.

"You decided to spend the night."

"I had no choice," Jane smiled at her. "After your third glass of wine, you fell asleep on me and I didn't want to wake you up, so I just held you to keep you warm. You were _exhausted_."

"I'm sorry," Maura bit her lip.

"Don't be," Jane insisted. "I would have stayed anyway."

"Did we kiss?"

"No," Jane said as she trailed her fingertips along Maura's arm. "You were buzzed and I didn't want our first kiss to be like that, so I didn't kiss you, but I'm guilty of holding you and, now that you're awake, I should probably head out so you can fall asleep in your bed."

Maura placed a kiss on Jane's cheek. "Please stay. My bed is far more comfortable than this couch and you couldn't have gotten much sleep in the position we're in."

"Do I get to hold you?"

"Yes," Maura promised.

Jane had stripped down to her underwear before getting under the covers with Maura and, although they felt an attraction toward each other, their desire for sex had been suppressed by their desire for something neither had received from a partner: affection. They spent the rest of the morning fast asleep while cuddled up to each other in Maura's bed, but when Maura woke up around noon, she was startled to realize she was in an empty bed until she heard the sound of '90s Pop music playing from a phone.

"You're awake," Jane said as she searched the cupboards for mugs. "I've been up for an hour so I decided to make coffee. Don't get up. I'll bring it to you."

They had spent less than twelve hours together and, in that short time, Jane had showed her more kindness than anyone she had ever encountered before without asking for anything in return other than the chance to hold her. For the first time in eight years, her apartment felt cozy and the feeling remained even after Jane left that afternoon.

"_I was too nervous to ask you this even though we shared a bed, but will you go out with me the next time we both have a night off? Like on a date?_" Jane asked via text message an hour later.


	3. My Stupid Mouth

"_**And I could see clearly an indelible line was drawn between what was good, what just slipped out, and what went wrong."**_

In the days following her impromptu sleepover at Maura's apartment, Jane felt an increase in sexual frustration. With every attempt at self-gratification, Jane tried to imagine her ideal partner; the same woman she imagined every time she became better acquainted with her vibrator or her left hand, a woman she dreamed up to eliminate the guilt of fantasizing about an _actual _woman, but every time she tried to picture that same woman she'd get lost in a fantasy about Maura. It was Maura's skilled tongue bringing her to orgasm and it was Maura who felt so warm and wet around her fingers. She fantasized about kissing every freckle on her body and the noises she made when she came. She wanted Maura's legs wrapped around her waist as she went deeper and deeper inside of her, so focused on pleasuring her that she'd neglect to feel Maura's nails scraping the skin on her back.

But after Jane climaxed, the guilt would hit her. She knew so little about Maura's interests or dreams, let alone her sexual desires and, with every good morning or good night text Maura sent her, Jane felt guilty for fantasizing about the different positions and locations she could have her in. Over a week had passed since Jane spent the night at Maura's apartment and she feared being unable to look Maura in the eye after the way she had fantasized about Maura and what she had done while fantasizing about her. _She's a woman, not an object_.

The bars and restaurants Jane frequented with her brothers had a casual dress code, so she scoured her closet for clothes suitable for the restaurant she'd be dining at with Maura. It was overpriced and she had never tasted the food, but the location was ideal and, on the first date, Jane wanted to do all she could to impress Maura, including wearing the right ensemble. Her intentions were to buy new clothes seeing as four years had passed since the last time she went on a date, but with the price of dinner exhausting the rest of the money she had designated as 'fun' money, Jane had no choice but to search for something to wear inside her own closet.

She had chosen a pair of slim-fitting black pants, a black blazer, and black and white flats to coordinate with the white chiffon cami she was wearing. _I never thought last year's Christmas clothes would come in handy again._

Before Jane knocked on Maura's apartment door, she checked her phone to make sure Maura hadn't called or sent a text to tell her that she was running late. _Although I wouldn't mind seeing her in her bathrobe again..._But she shook the thought from her head as soon as Maura opened the door. Her date was standing in front of her in a black dress, heels, and a white cardigan that she left unbuttoned. _She's stunning._

"We're wearing the same colors," Jane pointed out as they walked to her car. It was an awkward attempt at conversation, but judging by Maura's half-smile, she could tell her date was just as nervous about this as she was. "The hard part is over," Jane reminded her. "We've already shared a bed. This is just the two of us having dinner together, dinner at a normal hour and dinner that isn't a grilled cheese sandwich."

The traffic en route to the restaurant was worse than Jane had expected and, when they arrived twenty minutes late, they were told that they had lost their reservation and the approximate waiting time was over an hour. _So, we'd have to wait an hour to be seated and another thirty or forty-five minutes for our food to actually arrive. _"There's a diner nearby," Jane suggested. "Or we could wait here."

"The diner is fine," Maura insisted.

They were seated at a table just moments after arriving and, although it wasn't the romantic candlelit dinner that Jane had hoped for, she was grateful to finally start their date instead of being idle and making awkward conversation in an attempt at getting to know each other while in the waiting area. _Now our awkward conversations can actually happen at a table._

Jane smiled when she saw grilled cheese sandwiches on the menu. "And it comes with crinkle-cut fries!" Her eyes scanned the top of the page to read the restrictions. "_Must be age ten or younger to order from the kids' menu. _Damn!"

"How about the club sandwich?" Maura suggested. "It's on the side _not _designated for children."

Jane feigned disappointment. "I guess."

Without the menus to distract them after placing their orders, Jane struggled for something clever to say. _I can't comment on anyone. What if I sound judgmental? Tell me about yourself? No, that's too vague._ _I already know where she works, so I can't ask her that. What do you do for fun? Do you have any siblings? Do you wanna build a snowman? _"How's school?" Jane finally asked.

"Finals are in three weeks," Maura began. "I don't feel prepared for my biochemistry final."

"I could be your study buddy," Jane offered. "Actually, I'd make a crappy study buddy. I know nothing about biochemistry but I could make sure you stay focused."

"Thank you, but that'd be difficult with you around," Maura said as she reached for Jane's hand on the table. "I wouldn't be able to stop looking at you."

"I could do it from behind," Jane insisted. "I mean, I could sit behind you so you couldn't see me." She noticed the look of confusion on Maura's face. "Nevermind. It probably would be better if you studied on your own."

"Tell me about your family," Maura said to save Jane any further embarrassment.

It was one of the topics Jane had dreaded as part of the 'getting to know each other' process. She loved her family and she was grateful for them, but she never knew what to say for fear of coming off as either a woman who loved her family too much when her date wasn't close to their family at all or a woman who complained about her family when her date was someone who put family first. "I'll let you get to know them," Jane responded. It was supposed to be a way out, but when Maura smiled Jane found herself wondering what it would be like for Maura to _actually _meet her family. "Tell me about yours."

"I―I don't know them very well," Maura stammered.

"You don't know your mom or your dad?" Jane asked. "Are they not in your life or are you one of those who says their parents were like strangers to them?"

"I've _met _my father," Maura explained. "But he doesn't want me in his life. I know nothing about him other than his name and that he lives in this general area. My mother hasn't been in my life since she gave birth to me. I have no recollection of her."

"...oh," Jane hesitated. She wanted their waitress to ask if they wanted refills on water, the group of teenagers two booths down to start being loud―anything that would distract them from the conversation they were having. "Where did you work before the Beer and Wing Shack?" Jane asked in hopes of changing the subject.

"I worked at a boutique on Newbury Street. My managers treated me well, but the pay was low so I became an exotic dancer to supplement my income."

"You were a stripper?" Jane asked in disbelief.

"I was," Maura said matter-of-factly. "I worked at the boutique in the afternoon, the club at night, and I still managed to attend my classes in the morning. I was exhausted, but due to a registration error I was only able to register for two classes during my spring semester last school year so my financial aid package was significantly reduced."

"And this fall you're in school full time and working as a waitress? Your financial aid situation got cleared up?"

"Yes," Maura smiled. "This semester, I only have to work one job and I can place more of my focus on school. I put in my notice at the club the day I was hired at the Beer and Wing Shack."

"So you're done?" Jane asked.

Maura narrowed her eyes at her. "Why are you asking me that?"

"I just wanna know." Jane scanned the area to make sure nobody was paying attention to their conversation. "I mean, I'm a cop. I shouldn't be dating some stripper. You're a waitress now. That's different. I just can't date some woman who takes her clothes off for money."

"Do you think I'm beneath you?"

"What?" Jane asked as she scanned the area again.

"Do you think I'm beneath you?" Maura repeated.

"I don't. I just―"

"There's something I don't understand," Maura interrupted. "Night after night, I was surrounded by people like you who thought I was beneath them for taking my clothes off yet they so desperately wanted my company that they were willing to pay me anything I asked. They'd spend money on lap dances and the VIP room that could have gone to supporting their children or buying something nice for their wives and _I _am the one being judged?"

"Maura," Jane attempted to hold her hand but Maura pulled away.

"I wanted you to be different," Maura said while she attempted to hold back her tears. "You stayed that night. You asked nothing other than to let you hold me. You made dinner for me at night and coffee for me in the morning. I wanted to enjoy our date and end it with a kiss or maybe even more. You seemed so chivalrous and charming and I wondered why you hadn't had a date in four years. Now I know why." There were people staring at them, but Maura didn't care. She pulled a twenty dollar bill out of the wallet in her purse and placed it on the table. "This should cover what I ordered and the tip. Don't follow me."

"Let me give you a ride home," Jane pleaded. "I can make sure you get home safely. It's late."

"It's nine o'clock," Maura glared at her. "I've walked this city in the middle of the night. I don't need you to keep me safe."

"Maura, I'm sorry." It was a half-assed apology and she knew it, but everything had escalated so quickly that she couldn't think of something to say that wouldn't further upset Maura so, instead, she watched her leave the diner without saying another word.

She sat there with her head in her hands until their waitress brought their food to the table five minutes later. Jane paid the bill and took both meals to go, figuring she would either take one to Maura if she had the nerve or take the extra sandwich home to Frankie or Tommy if she chickened out.

Jane had never considered herself privileged with her blue-collar upbringing, but although she had reached adulthood, her parents still gave her and her brothers a continued sense of security. They were a close-knit family and, unlike so many other young adults, she could always go home again. If she could no longer afford her apartment, her childhood home and her bedroom were waiting for her. If she wanted to quit her job as a police officer and go back to college, her parents were more than willing to help support her while she went to school. There were Sunday dinners, barbecues, and family vacations that Jane and her brothers still attended although they were in their twenties. Jane chose independence; it wasn't thrusted upon her like it was for Maura. She never actually _had _to work before becoming a police officer other than the summer she worked at a pizza place when she was sixteen so she could save up for her own car.

Maura was independent; she didn't need her help or her pity. What Maura wanted was to spend time with her, to get to know her. _I have to go to her. Even if she doesn't want to date me again, I can at least apologize to her for being such an asshole._


	4. Your Body Is A Wonderland

"_**One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue."**_

To help herself forget about her disappointing date with Jane, Maura removed the clothes she was wearing and changed into a lace-trim nightie that she hadn't worn since the end of summer. It wasn't the sheer nightie she had planned to wear for Jane, but wearing the lace-trim nightie still made her feel sexy and confident even if the only person she was going to feel sexy for was herself.

She had already spent twenty dollars on a meal she didn't eat so she opted to microwave some leftovers instead of ordering takeout. It was a pasta dish she had learned to cook with her grandmother when she was a child and the very taste of it reminded her of the house she grew up in. There wasn't much love in that house, but she had a roof over her head, her meals were provided for her, and her only responsibilities were to get good grades and do a few chores on Saturday morning. _I never thought I'd long for that house like I do right now. _She was twenty-six and tired; tired of working on her feet all day serving people who demanded so much for the small tip they were going to give her, tired of wondering where her life was going to go and whether or not having her bachelor's degree would open as many doors as she had hoped, and tired of not knowing if she'd find a partner she could trust let alone that ideal person who could be both her lover and her best friend.

Maura had finished her pasta and was ready to watch a movie or read a book to help take her mind off her date with Jane and the emotions it had triggered, but the sound of someone knocking on her door forced her to leave her comfortable position on her bed. It was after midnight and, when she saw Jane through the peephole, she wasn't surprised.

"I told you not to follow me," Maura said when she opened the door.

"I didn't," Jane pointed out. "You left the restaurant at nine and three hours have passed. I thought that might be enough time."

"It isn't," Maura said, paying close attention to how Jane still had her hands hidden behind her back. "Are you here to apologize?"

"I know I'm an asshole and you probably want nothing to do with me right now, so I brought a friend to help with this apology," Jane said before pulling a stuffed Reptar from behind her back. It was incredibly worn out and there was a small hole on his foot, but the proud look on Jane's face made Maura wonder if the toy had any sentimental value.

"You brought me an old Reptar?"

"Yeah," Jane said nervously. "I remember we were talking about cartoons we watched as children last time I came over and you said you liked _Rugrats _and you always wanted a stuffed Reptar but nobody ever got you one for Christmas. I know it's not Christmas and I know it's not new, but here." Jane gave the stuffed Reptar one last hug before she handed him over to Maura. "I would have gotten you a new one, but then I'd have to order it online and wait five to seven days and I think tonight is when you need someone to cuddle more than any other night, so I decided to give you mine. I've had him since I was twelve. He's one of my most cherished possessions and now he's yours. And I'm going to leave before this gets even weirder."

"You're a police officer who sleeps with a stuffed animal?" Maura smiled.

"A stuffed _T-Rex_," Jane corrected her. "How is that not badass?"

"It's _very_ badass," Maura said as she grabbed Jane's hand to lead her into her apartment.

Jane took off her blazer and draped it over the top of Maura's couch. "So you've accepted my Reptar-themed apology?"

Maura motioned for Jane to sit next to her on the couch. "I didn't want to let you in and I didn't want to like you, but I let you in for the same reason I did the other night."

"Because you want me to put out?"

"Jane!" Maura laughed.

"You don't have to go on another date with me," Jane told Maura once she had stopped laughing. "You don't have to do anything physical with me and I'm not expecting you to. I just didn't want to not talk to you again without telling you how sorry I am. What happened at the diner is something that you didn't deserve and even if this is the last time we see each other I just wanted you to know that."

Maura wasn't sure if she'd agree to another date with Jane, but in that moment Jane had all she needed; comfort, warmth, and the opportunity to feel another woman's body against hers. Their situation wasn't perfect, but they had each other even if it was only for the night.

She hiked up her nightie so she could straddle Jane's waist. "What are you doing?" Jane asked.

"Looking at you," Maura responded. "What you said at the diner triggered something in me and I don't want to be alone tonight."

"You don't have to have sex with me just to get me to stay," Jane insisted. "We've already spent the night together without even kissing. I can keep you company for as long as you want me to."

Maura leaned in even closer to Jane. "Do you know how many men have offered to pay me for sex?"

"I―I don't know," Jane stammered.

"More than I care to remember. There's a hotel near the club, which is where they offered to take me, but I never accepted. They'd offer up to $1,000 for a single night. Some of the girls accepted those offers, but I never did. I couldn't. Even when I was in the VIP room, I told them upfront what I would and _wouldn't _do."

"Did anyone ever…"

"It was all on my terms," Maura interrupted her. "I worked that way at the club and the only way I'll have sex is when it's on my terms."

"Is there a reason you're telling me this?" Jane asked nervously.

Maura grabbed Jane's hands so she could place them on her thighs. "I'm telling you this because I don't want you thinking, even for a moment, that if we have sex it's because you put any pressure on me or I feel as if I'm obligated. If ever I don't want to have sex I can―and I _will_―say no."

When Maura began to grind her hips into Jane, she noticed how flushed Jane had become. "How do you do that?" Jane asked. "How are you so comfortable with sex and your body? I can't do that. It'd be the most un-sexy thing you've ever seen if I tried grinding into you."

Maura pulled her nightie over her head and draped it next to Jane's blazer. "Don't think that about yourself. You're gorgeous, Jane." Maura wanted her more than she had wanted any other woman, but when Jane leaned in to kiss her, Maura pulled away. "After what happened on our date, I don't want our first kiss to be tonight."

"You want to have sex but I can't kiss you?" Jane asked in disbelief.

"Kissing is very intimate, even more intimate than sex," Maura told her. "I'm not ready for you to kiss me."

"Fair enough," Jane responded, her fingertips trailing along Maura's back. "Can I kiss _parts _of you?"

"Which parts?" Maura asked playfully.

"Your lips."

"I just said―"

"Not the ones on your face," Jane said as she lowered her eyes. "_Those _lips."

The way Jane was so discombobulated made Maura wish, yet again, that their date had gone differently. She wanted to fully give herself to Jane, physically, but the she couldn't bring herself to kiss the woman who made such a horrible comment about her former job―at least not yet.

Jane had carried her to her bed and Maura became even further aroused by the strength Jane possessed. She was on her back, fully exposed to Jane, her panties now discarded by the side of her bed. "Sit on my face," Jane suggested. "And I'm leaving my clothes on tonight."

"But it's been four years," Maura reminded her. "I don't want to kiss but there's still so much I can do to you."

"Not tonight," Jane shook her head. "After what happened at the diner, I want tonight to be all about you."

There was no foreplay involved―no kissing, no loving caresses, no dirty talk―just Maura in desperate need of an orgasm after being so exposed to Jane and Jane with a desire to please her.

Maura gripped the headboard as she straddled Jane's face. She was about to ask if Jane was having any second thoughts but a single stroke of Jane's tongue gave her the answer she needed. She knew the length of time it had been since Jane's last sexual encounter, but Jane showed no hesitation as she gripped Maura's thighs and pulled her down even lower. With every movement of Jane's tongue, Maura felt even more captivated by her. She looked down to see the expression on Jane's face; she was savoring her, which only increased her arousal.

The walls in Maura's apartment were paper thin, but when Jane started running her tongue back and forth along her clit, Maura paid no attention to how loud she was becoming. She began to ride Jane's tongue even harder, increasing her rhythm as she became closer to orgasm.

When Jane's lips formed a tight suction around her clit, Maura felt her release―her sexual tension, her loneliness, every negative thought she had before Jane's arrival had all left her for a moment as her walls tightened, her abdominal muscles clenched, and she moaned Jane's name as she began to dart her tongue in and out of her opening to avoid putting any more pressure on Maura's already sensitive clit.

"You were amazing," Maura told her when she had finally caught her breath. Just as she had on their first night together, Maura felt comfort in Jane's arms.

"I didn't want to stop," Jane admitted. She reached for a tissue on Maura's nightstand to wipe off the wetness that had dripped onto her face and even onto her neck, but Maura had something else in mind. She pressed her lips to Jane's and tasted herself on the lips that had become softened by her wetness. Their kiss was brief and chaste in comparison to what Maura was used to, but she considered it a step in the right direction for the two of them.

"Can I see you again?" Maura asked.

"To repeat what we just did?"

"Yes, but that's not all I want," Maura smiled at her. "I'd like to go another date with you as long as we don't have a repeat of what happened on our last date."

"That won't happen again," Jane promised. "And, Maura? You kissed me."

Maura rested her head on Jane's chest. "I did. It was the least I could do after you gave me your Reptar...and told me to sit on your face."

It wasn't long before Maura fell asleep comfortably tucked under the covers with Jane and, the next morning, she opened her eyes to find herself still wrapped in Jane's arms.


End file.
